


I had to learn the hard way that salvation has its price

by RedWritingHood



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comic-related, F/M, Gen, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by a certain part in The Victim Syndicate, Mentions of Tim's 'death', a lot of mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 13:54:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12706335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedWritingHood/pseuds/RedWritingHood
Summary: When Stephanie goes to talk to the hologram that Tim left behind, she finds that she wasn't the only one.





	I had to learn the hard way that salvation has its price

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after I read The Victim Syndicate. If you haven't read that, it's after Tim's 'death', he left behind the RR Program, which is basically a Red Robin hologram thing, and Stephanie is feeling very sad, somewhat angry, and a lot conflicted.

Stephanie steps into the mud room. She doesn't even really know what she's doing here. To train? To cry? To get some silence? To get some noise when there's too much silence? To activate the RR program?

But if that was her intention, she finds that she was beaten to it.

Batman stands in the middle of the mud room, his back to her. He's standing in front of Tim-- in front of the hologram of Tim. He doesn't say anything, but she knows that he knows she's here.

She swallows, then whispers, "B?"

Finally, he turns his head to look at her. Usually, in the cowl, his face is inscrutable, stern, grim. But now-- his expression--

"B-Bruce?" Steph's voice shakes, cracks.

He should be Batman right now, but he's Bruce instead. Batwoman says you can always tell the difference.

Bruce's lip curls. He bites it as if that would keep his face from crumpling. It doesn't.

Steph's face is wet. She knows why he's here. It turns out it's why she's here, too. "Tim."

He bites his lip harder. It must hurt, but maybe that's what he wants. "I--" His mouth is red where his teeth are digging in. He stops, lets go. He knows it's not helping. "Stephanie. I didn't..."

Didn't mean for her to see this? Of course he didn't. But she can't take her eyes off the hologram. "Tim..."

The program looks so much like him. It smiles. "Hello, Stephanie." It even sounds like him.

Stephanie makes a sound, a wordless cry of grief, and she can't hold herself up anymore. She falls to her knees, staring up at the life-sized lie of Red Robin. _Tim_. He was going to go to college. He...He liked his coffee black, with two packets of sugar. He could sleep like the dead, then be up like a shot the moment his alarm went off. He could be incredibly cool sometimes, but was mostly an adorkable geek the rest of the time. He was...he was Tim. She loved him.

And now he's gone, and he isn't coming back.

Batman is on his knees now too. She didn't notice him dropping to the floor beside her. His hand is hovering over her shoulder, like he doesn't know whether she'd welcome the touch or not. Stephanie can't bring herself to move away, but she can't bring herself to move closer, either.

"I'm sorry," he says. He finally does touch her, grasping her shoulder. His gloves are cool, and she shudders. Bruce's chest heaves. "I'm so sorry."

Stephanie sobs. She knows. She knows he's sorry, but she can't forgive him, and he can't forgive himself, so where does that leave them?

Tim could forgive anyone. Stephanie isn't Tim.

Stupid. Of course she's not. Only Tim was Tim. Oh, God, she's not even making sense anymore.

Stephanie's crying so hard she knows she's going to have a headache when she's done. Bruce pulls her closer, wrapping an arm around her. "He shouldn't have died," Steph gasps. "H-he sh-should-dn't h-have--"

"I know." She's in his arms, practically on his lap now. He's holding her tightly. She can feel him shaking. "I know. I know. I'm sorry." He smooths her hair back, repeats, voice rough, breaking, "I'm sorry."

She rests her head on his shoulder, curling her arms loosely around his waist. "It's not f-fair."

"I know." He presses his cheek to her hair. She thinks her face isn't the only one that's wet. "I'm sorry. I wish it was."

She sobs. He rocks her gently. "I know. I know. I know. I'm sorry..."

* * *

Stephanie is leaning against Bruce, exhausted after her whole crying bout. The Red Robin program is gone, but the ghost of its creator still lingers.

"Do you ever wonder...if we're really doing the right thing?" Stephanie asks quietly.

Bruce pauses in the midst of stroking her hair, pressing his palm to her head. "Yes."

"Really?" Steph didn't think he ever doubted his mission.

"Of course. I've wondered about that many times. I still do. I even once tried to put away the cape and cowl."

"What happened?"

"There was a mugging."

"A mugging?"

"Yes. I was out. I heard it happening. I...had to stop it." He moves his hand down to her face, smoothing his thumb along a tearstain on her cheek. "I...didn't become Batman because of any extraordinary villain. A mugging was all it took to change my life. Just one, ordinary man, no powers, no crazy obsessions, just a man who wanted the...the pearls around my mother's neck. And he didn't even-- didn't even get those. They...broke. I-I tried to find them all, but there's probably still a pearl or two just...lost in a dark corner somewhere. I." He stops, as if to regather his thoughts. "Before Batman, there wasn't anyone like the Joker or the Riddler or Poison Ivy or Scarecrow. And, yes, I can't help but wonder sometimes whether it would have stayed that way if I had never become Batman. But. With or without Batman, there has always been crime. Murder. Assault. Theft. I know I can't be there in time to stop it all. But I can try." He places his hands on her shoulders. His cowl is still on, but looking into the white lenses, she doesn't see a mask right now. She just sees a man. A person. _Human_. "Some people think that if there weren't any superheroes or vigilantes, terrible things wouldn't happen. I wish that were true. I wouldn't hesitate for a second to shut this all down now. But that's not how the world works. People will always be people, they, we, will make mistakes, we will do amazing and horrible things, good things, bad things, cruel, kind." He squeezes her shoulders gently. "That's the real way things happen. And if I can stop enough of the bad things, as long as I am able, I will."

Stephanie gazes up at him, and realizes that she doesn't blame him anymore.

Maybe there's nothing to be forgiven, but she does anyway. She forgives him.

And she smiles. She can feel where her tears have dried on her face, and her lips tremble a little, but she smiles. And she means it. "Okay."

Bruce pauses, checks, "Okay?"

"Okay." She reaches up and squeezes one of his hands. "I get it now." She became Spoiler to put her dad back in prison, but she stayed because she wanted to be better, because Batman made her want to be better. She realizes now that he wants to be better, too.

She gives a small laugh and scrubs at her cheeks. "I'm going to have to wash my face."

"Alright." Bruce holds onto her elbow, helps her stand. "Are you hungry?"

It's only now that Stephanie notices the emptiness in her stomach. She feels like it's about to start growling in a minute. That emotional meltdown sure took a lot out of her. "Oh, man, yeah. I need some lunch."

"Let's go get you something."

She pats his chest, "Only if you get some too, big guy. How long has it been since you've eaten?" There's a pause. "If you have to think about it, it's been too long. Come on, B. You won't like me when I'm hangry."

Bruce follows her out the door.

Steph knows she's a mess right now, but she feels...lighter. She still feels Tim's absence and presence both like a physical weight, and there's definitely gonna be more crying fits in the future, but.

Maybe she and Bruce can get through this together.

**Author's Note:**

> I just needed to do something about Stephanie and Bruce.


End file.
